My mother and I are not close. It is not hard for me to say, we aren't. (Some would say that we are too much alike and that is why we don't get along). It doesn't matter the reason.
We (my mother and I) can go months without speaking. This doesn't affect me but it is my children who suffer. They would love to be close to my mother. Distance wise this won't happen with us here in the DC area and she in Louisiana.
One of my sisters was talking to my daughter on the phone and asked "Are you coming for the summer?"My daughter said "No, Grandma M_____ doesn't love us!"This broke my heart to hear her say.
We talked about this when she hung up. It was then I realized were she got this attitude from and it was me.
No I didn't tell my daughter that my mother doesn't love her.
I teach my children that effort is everything.
She at seven has realized that my mother makes no effort towards her or her brother. If they talk to her, it is because they call her. She doesn't send presents or cards or underwear or socks or any of the things that a normal grandparent would do.
(Her step grandparents do this and more.)
My children get a lot of promises from my mother that I end up fulfilling.
She has told my son for three Christmas that she has bought him the same present. He doesn't even ask to call her anymore.
I recently told someone that you can't put all of the onus on one person in a relationship. A relationship is between two or more parties. One person cannot maintain it. I can't be responsible for maintaining everything.
My mother's birthday is coming up at the end of the month. I am seriously debating letting the kids skip it. I get so tired of sending cards or having the kids call and they get nothing from my mother in return.
Maybe it is time for us to hang up the entire relationship as lost