I don't want to be perfect, just better...

Friday, February 12, 2010

My Image, the Start of My Weight Problems, the Scale and Me

I have been slightly depressed about my lack of weight loss. Maybe because I watch the Biggest Loser and they are putting up huge numbers on the scale every week, and I get two pounds. I loathe getting on the scale on Saturday morning. I totally start snacking on Thursday and Friday as soon as I realize how close that morning weigh in has gotten.

Maybe, I'm depressed because even though I have lost weight I still can't fit into my favorite pair of size 20 jeans. Well, I can fit in them but it isn't pretty.

Maybe, I am just unhappy with my body and can't find something on it that I can enjoy. My feet have spread from a ten to an eleven. My knee high boots are difficult  to zip up over my wide calves. My hands are swelling. My back has a constant ache. Being overweight is not pretty or easy - trying to lose it is down right ugly.
Image from DesignBot Creative

The real problem I have with my body at the moment is my stomach. I have always said I would be completely happy with the rest of my body if only I could lose 3/4 of my belly. No matter what I do it stays and stays and expands and expands. I have truly had it. (no not yet, because if I had I would have tried homemade lipo and tummy  tuck with a couple of kitchen knives and my sewing machine.) 

I know this belly obsession isn't true because if I wasn't obsessed with my belly then I would be fixated on my thighs. Then after my thighs, that flag that waves at people residing under my arms. Then my breasts, then that roll developing on my neck.

I did have a moment of clarity. That if I just keep plugging away at two pounds a week for the rest of the year I will have lost 112 pounds for the year. Which will put me at or under 200 pounds.

I haven't weighed less than 200 hundred pounds since before my daughter, the Princess was born eight years ago (nine in September). I became ill after she was born. Still unsure the cause of my illness; I developed allergies to smelly things like perfume and harsh chemicals especially relaxers (a whole 'nother story) would suck the air out of my lungs and I couldn't breathe after walking ten paces. To combat these symptoms, the doctor prescribed me steroids for a couple of months, those in conjunction with the birth control shot I gained seventy (yes, 70) pounds in three months. 

I had to think hard about the last time I was under 200 pounds. When I was on maternity leave is also when I found out that my aunt had stolen my identity and that most of my family on my father's side knew but never said anything to me about it. It was then after that I gave up on family and tried to become self sufficient much to the detriment of my credit score and waist line.

Yes, it came to me in a hard truth that my credit score has gone down as my weight has gone up. 
Image from Get Elastic

An inverse relationship for sure that must be changed.

I have been working on bettering my finances for over a year. While I am still not were I want to be, I am getting to where I need to be. A couple of more years and I will be in a better place all together.


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