I don't want to be perfect, just better...

Monday, March 22, 2010

There is a whole world out there

This post is about my sister who has wanted to leave Louisiana for at least 8 years and the reasons I did. They are the same.

I know what you are thinking. If she wants to leave, then get up and move.

Not my sister, she is too timid. When they were passing out personality traits, my sister, V. missed the adventurous line, twice.

Every time I have moved in the last nine years and I have moved a lot. She has always called late one night (I presume after a extremely bad day) and asked the same set of questions:
  • How much is rent?
  • How long does it take to find an apartment?
  • How long does it take to find a job?
  • Are people friendly?
  • What is it like?
I've answered these questions about the metro areas of Atlanta, Dallas, New Orleans, Little Rock and Washington, DC. I'm strictly tired of answering them. 

Why? 

Because I believe she will never move. 

She didn't move when she was a swinging, unencumbered woman of 18. She isn't going to move as a married, mother of two.

I obviously have a bit of the wanderlust in me if you just go by the places I've lived. There are more but I won't list them. However, my sister has spent the last twenty years in Louisiana.

She continuously says she wants to move to be away from our mother, the stagnant wages in our home town, the small fish bowl like existence, and the lack of opportunities.

I don't want to hear her complain anymore. She is preaching to the choir. 

I am the eldest of my mother's children. I think I know her best and have had more exposure to the ways she likes to control, manipulate and tear down her children.

I know all about the wages of our hometown. I don't need to be told how hard it is to make a living. I was working two jobs to make a living and was going nowhere fast.

Believe me, I felt even more constrained by the fish bowl of life in a small southern town. I never felt I could be myself, I never felt my opinion was taken seriously because people love to judge you on past actions and by whom you are related to, not about what you bring to the table.

The lack of opportunities (did I mention I was working two jobs) was the main reason I left. I was tired of applying for positions that I knew I was qualified for but because I hadn't completed my degree was not even considered. The final straw for me was when I was working at my next to last casino.

My boss was this complete airhead ditz that couldn't add 2+3 and come out with 5 on the other side to save her life. What did she have going for her? She was petite, blond, had a boob job and jiggled when she walked.

She had a degree but couldn't complete the evening paperwork. The paper work was very simple, down load the report, adjust the numbers by hours, do the credits and debits and a few other steps. No more than twenty minutes of effort. She started making the schedule out so that I worked the same days she did. If I requested a day off or wanted to switch shifts with someone else my requests were denied. Everyday I 'assisted', because her paperwork was always correct, she was got a special commendation (Check of $500)
from corporate.

Did she share with me? No. Did she offer to do anything for me? Of course not.

I had requested to change from nights to days.I was on a waiting list. Took months for an opening to come available and for me to move up on the wait list but finally it was my turn. I was at the top of the list, and there was an opening on day shift. I walked around happy for days waiting for my transfer to day shift. I was planning how I was going to sleep nights again. I would get to see prime time television. Superhero and I would have time to do stuff together besides eat. (Princess wasn't even a speck of a thought)

Days passed. Then a week. Finally, I got frustrated and went to my boss about the transfer. She keep saying she hadn't received the papers from HR.

I go to HR. HR gave me the whole song and dance around the issue. Finally in frustration I broke down and cried. One HR lady finally told me the truth... my boss wouldn't sign the papers.

This wasn't my first experience with someone working to keep me down. It still hit me hard though; I couldn't understand and sometimes I still don't.

I wasn't raised to bring down someone else to make myself shine. I was taught that if I worked hard I would be rewarded and I would shine on my merits.

I guess my grandmother did me a disservice because she never told me that people would actively try to tarnish my merits and dim my shine.



I know what V. wants. She wants things to be easy. I've rarely had it easy so I never look for anything to be easy. I found this quote one and it is how I want to live my life: 

“Anticipate the difficult by managing the easy” Lao Tzu

(Chinese taoist Philosopher, founder of Taoism, wrote "Tao Te Ching" (also "The Book of the Way"). 600 BC-531 BC)


In every conversation with V. I have told her to just suck it up and move. I have been patience, I have cajoled. I have told her the road would be winding but I have never told her not to do it.

At this point I have reached a new level of frustration. We chatted the other day on instant messenger, she said she was contemplating a move to Dallas.

I told her I didn't believe she would ever move and I wouldn't believe until she called me from a new area code. I guess I pissed her off. She disappeared real quick and I haven't heard from her since.

Was I wrong to say that? Let me know what you think...

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