I don't want to be perfect, just better...

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


I realized one day last week, maybe the week before that I have officially turned into my Grandmother. Her sayings are coming out of my mouth on a regular basis. Maybe this is just my missing her...or maybe my kids have driven me as crazy as she said I drove her. Hmm?

Here are some of my Grandmother's better ones. This is in no way a complete list:

'What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?' One of her favorites. This expression came out often when I was trying to make leaps of logic and comparisons of unfairness. It has been coming out of my mouth with a regularity that is now frightening.

It would sometimes be accompanied by 'People in hell want ice water.' when I was trying to ask for something especially large or expensive.

I haven't said this one as much, but once is enough to know that she has embedded herself in my psyche...'Oh, you mad? You better scratch your ass and get glad...' 

If I had made her especially mad, she would tell me to 'carry my ass!' Which was the signal for me to leave her presence before I came up missing body parts or organs. I once lifted my butt cheeks and walked away holding them. She died laughing. She laughed so hard at my antic that she forgot to punish me.

I haven't blurted this one out...yet. 'We will get up or we got home... before day in the morning.' In case you didn't grow up with a Louisiana Grandmother...Before day in the morning is that nebulous time between midnight and dawn.  For some reason there was no accompanying expression for the rest of the day.

She was also fond of splitting things 'half in two'.

Don't get it mistaken most of the normal expression parents use/used on children still wound their way out of her mouth - 

Money doesn't grow on trees. 

Do I look like First National? (Our local bank)

Don't make me... (Vague open ended threat that required me to imagine the last three punishments and multiply them exponentially by some unknown quotient.)

I've shared. Now your turn. What are some of your favorite parental/grandparental expressions?

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