I don't want to be perfect, just better...

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The Gap or Stuck in Beginning Adulthood

My Twitter buddy, Revanche posted this blog -  The high costs of Parenting Fails, or a Bad Seed, Part 1 and Part 2 which resonated with me so much that I cried. 


Why?


I come from a family of users, liars and thieves. 


{Damn, did I just admit that. Well it is out so I'll keep going.} 


I say this because I have witnessed what happens when people like Revanche's brother and many of my relatives don't bridge the gap between being an adult chronologically to being a mature and functioning adult.


To me the gap is a dangerous place; the gap leads to dangers like substance abuse. Ask me I know, I watched my uncle (who was my childhood hero/spiritual twin/big brother) spiral out of control for twenty plus years to the shell of a man he is today (we don't speak now). 


Addiction is hard on the addict but sometimes, hell most times it is equally hard on the family and friends forced to watch such a waste.


People who don't know me well are quick to criticize me for being a hard ass or mean or evil or too straight laced. 


Whatever.


I have seen too many people lose everything or never live up to their full potential because they fell into the gap and had people enable them to stay in the gap and they found other dangers that blocked their path to adulthood.


I refuse to be around people who think they can half ass their way through life. A shortcut may get you there quicker but you won't learn the lessons needed for later in life.


You can not enable someone to maturity. Ever tried fitting a square peg in a round hole.  It doesn't happen. Period. 


Princess had a band concert at school. We get there a little early, pulling into the parking lot we witness one of Princess' band mates (a sixth grader) getting dressed by his mother. Not helping him to pull himself together tucking in tighter but literally walking around him putting his belt through the loops while he has his hands in the air. 


Really? 


This type of helicopter parenting annoys me to now end. This twelve year old boy can't put his own belt on? If you have to help your 12 year old put his belt on then you failed some where. (Get mad at me if you want to but I will tell the truth)


My goal as a parent isn't to raise the next president or CEO or pop superstar but my goal is to raise a self sufficient, confident adult who sets a goal for themselves and goes all out for that goal be that a president, CEO or pop superstar. 


Do you see the difference?


I think so many parents err when they try to support their adult child through everything. 


Do you know someone stuck in the gap? 


An adult who can't make ends meet or freeloads their way through life or is always looking for the next get rich quick or hack. 


Share your Stuck in the Gap stories.

3 comments:

  1. Reading this made me go and read those articles you linked. Tears!!! Her story sounds like my current relationship with my own younger brother. He's not that old but I shudder to think about what he will become is this is not handled quickly. He is so spoiled to the point that right now he is on academic suspension from college, just got fired from his job and is totally content to sit on his rump and have my dad pay all his bills. And gives him money. He seems to be content to live off the death benefits from my mom and whatever he gets from my dad. Meanwhile, I, the responsible child, is having the biggest financial crisis....and I am living on a wing and a prayer. It makes me sick. 

    ReplyDelete
  2.  Reading this made me go and read those articles you linked. Tears!!! Her story sounds like my current relationship with my own younger brother. He's not that old but I shudder to think about what he will become is this is not handled quickly. He is so spoiled to the point that right now he is on academic suspension from college, just got fired from his job and is totally content to sit on his rump and have my dad pay all his bills. And gives him money. He seems to be content to live off the death benefits from my mom and whatever he gets from my dad. Meanwhile, I, the responsible child, is having the biggest financial crisis....and I am living on a wing and a prayer. It makes me sick. 

    ReplyDelete
  3. I understand what happens to someone who is in the gap, my uncle, many cousins and more family are reaping the consequences of not being able to mature quick enough. I wish I had the answers but it seems as if a couple of generations have lost the incentive to achieve and to do for themselves. This attitude of "chasing/waiting on a check" Drives me. It always feels like I'm the only one who understands that easy money ain't cheap money. I would recommend counseling and a lot of tough love. 

    ReplyDelete