I don't want to be perfect, just better...

Monday, November 7, 2011

I'm Going to End Up Old and Friendless

Facebook has ruined my illusions of what friendship is and will be and what could have been. I've reconnected with several old friends and most of the time I wish that I hadn't even tried. I had an hour long chat with an old friend this weekend.

Literally, we have nothing in common anymore. When we first meet ten years ago we were both single mothers, lived in the same apartment building and were both motivated for more than our current situation was offering. We would meet everyday to pool our mom resources; me with Princess and Superhero, her with the Double Trouble twins and Little Old Man (he wasn't four he was 84). We were both planning on going back to school. We cooked together, watched each others children, found cheap things to do and every once in a while we hit the clubs.
When I started at UNO  in January she was planning to start at Xavier the next semester in August. Well that was the plan until she meet a guy, fell madly in love and got married in less than eight months. That was the end of us seeing each other every day.

As you know some newly married people retreat into their own personal bubble for two for a while. This happened with her and her new husband. I'm not complaining in fact I was very ecstatic for her, her love, her kids and their new found sense of security.

Unfortunately, her new husband was of the opinion that married people i.e. women should only hang out with other married people. That was the end of us seeing each other more than once a month.

I can't tell you when we stopped seeing each other after that but I can remember the last time we were together. I was seeing someone who I thought could be eventually the one (little did I know) and we meet for dinner and then a late movie.

Her husband a police detective spent the whole dinner interrogating my date. It wasn't pretty. The guy I was seeing was a former Marine with a short temper. He did not appreciate the interrogation and told me so halfway through dinner...when he snatched my handbag and hand, threw some money on the table and dragged me out behind him.

Anyway, that was the last time I remember seeing her. The next day she called. Our normal call dissolved within moments into yelling, screaming and the general calling each other everything but children of God.

Transition back to this weekend.

'Bloop' {Facebook Messenger sound} "Hey girl, I've been thinking about you lately. Never realized how much I missed you until now. Call me 504-xxx-xxxx."

I call. She and her police detective husband are divorced, so she is back to be a single mom of five kids now. We chatted like I said earlier for an hour or more.

She and I used to be aligned so well in our tastes on everything from television shows to books to clothing to food. Now we can't even agree on anything.

She even chided me for using Facebook too much.

She thinks Twitter is evil.

Some of my favorite tv shows True Blood, Dexter, Walking Dead are evil. She only watches Christian programming now.

The books I read: science fiction and fantasy are horrible works of the devil and the street lit she reads is far superior because it is gritty and real.

After the call, I was exhausted.

Everything I liked was evil, bad or bad for the spirit. Everything she liked was good, pure and uplifting.

Yeah, I'm going to end up old and friendless.


  1. Gosh I hate when that happens. Not the losing friends part...but the I'm better than you part. Sounds like she had to knock you down a couple notches because you are doing well and she's.....well....not. It seems like that season of friendship was up for a reason.

  2. I doubt you will be old and friendless. But what I've found has happened is, as I've gotten older and things in my life have changed, I have had to reevaluate my friendships. When I got divorced and then when my son came out of the closet, friends who had been there for years were no longer comfortable being my friend. But it has worked out just fine. Life has offered new opportunities. I have met new friends who appreciate who I am and friendships are based on a much different level now. Friendships change as people grow and sometimes that growth can be painful!